Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Acid is not a monday night drug
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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