peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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