last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
