wake up i wanna do it froggy style
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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