There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Randomize
