He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
