You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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