Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
