just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
