Where are you?
In a non slutty way
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Randomize
