Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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