Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Randomize
