I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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