I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
