found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
