some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
