I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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