I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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