Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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