My liver just broke up with me...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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