Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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