Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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