mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
