you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
