Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Liz is crying about burritos again.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
