honey bunches of taint.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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