Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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