are you still at the devil's house?
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Bring me that man meat
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
