I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
