My hair reeks of homosexuality.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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