That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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