Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
