So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
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