Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
