My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
