Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
