sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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