sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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