Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
