She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
