So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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