I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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