He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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