So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
