somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
