i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I look better un-naked...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Randomize
