So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
