some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
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