Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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