Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize