bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
