i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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